I was so embarrassed about being one of the great untouched that during my Freshman year, I made up a story about having gotten laid during Spring Break just to feel like I was one of the “normal” people.
that much in hopes that I might hit that metaphorical home run.
And just as traditional masculinity is a fragile thing, any minor deviation from the Virginity Narrative throws the whole thing into disarray. And there will be plenty of people eager to reinforce the narrative, to mock us, and tell us that this deviation from the narrative calls our masculinity into question.
The story that we’re supposed to lose our virginity by X milestone doesn’t take into consideration that navigating relationships – romantic, sexual or platonic – can be difficult, stressful, even . Just as the gender police are eager to punish people who don’t live up to the traditional definitions of manhood.
We blame others for somehow depriving us of sex, as though it were something we were owed.
We blame for whatever flaws make us perceive ourselves as unfuckable.
Today, I want to start the conversation to help dismantle it.What makes this especially twisted is the way we internalize the pressure to fuck, to be a virgin.When we fail to follow the narrative we get angry, lashing out at others and haranguing ourselves in turns.We get the Standard Virginity Loss Narrative burned into our minds early on, reinforced over and over again by pop-culture until we start to believe it’s the TRVTH, carved into stone tablets delivered to us at the base of Mount Sinai.The story turns our sexual development into a performance, just as masculinity is often a performance.