But what they didn’t understand and I found a difficult time articulating was a new relationship would not be the cure for the massive emptiness I felt from my divorce.
In my opinion, there are three key mistakes people make when dating after a divorce and I would like to help you avoid them.
A new relationship and possibly marriage would have to be, must be based on mutual trust and respect.
Without it, there is nothing but a meaningless attraction. Forgiveness is a process and something I found I needed to do every day.
The first one, and the main subject of this article, is very simple and almost always overlooked: Many people are simply not healed enough to date and begin new relationships.
I remember once during my post-divorce years going to confession to a very wise priest, Fr. I needed to rid my heart of the bad feelings toward my ex-spouse. I realized that my heart was like a prison where he was locked in a cell.
Carlton, and discussing with him how I was feeling about my ex-spouse and the frustration he was still putting me through three years after our divorce. Carlton said to me, “You say you want to love, but how can you love when your heart is so full of resentment and bad feelings? That was a potent question and one that gave me much to think about. Periodically, I would take him out and argue with him, telling him all the things I wished I had said when I remembered our arguments.
It also led me to believe that I could not trust men anymore, and that also had to be dealt with.
I am dating a good Catholic man who is divorced and has a son.
I am a Christian who is becoming Catholic (I’m in RCIA) who was also married before and have a daughter.
I encourage you to take some time to reflect on these things; to see if your heart is available for a new love or if you need to do a little housecleaning…
and we’ll talk about another big mistake in post-divorce dating next Thursday. Further reading Don’t miss the second two parts of this exclusive Catholic Match series: Author and speaker Lisa Duffy has 20 years of both personal and professional experience in helping others deal with their divorces.