I had also planned a date with a woman I had also met via Facebook, in a group for FTMs, butches and femmes.We had been flirting on Facebook for about a year and agreed that if either of us was ever traveling close enough to the other, we would meet.My foray into the dating world began a couple of years ago while I was still fairly early in my transition.After I came out as trans (FTM), my lesbian relationship was ending, and my first instinct was to stick mainly to gay and lesbian dating sites.We’d just met and were feeling out the situation and our interest in one another, the same way any two people do after a first date.But obviously, the woman felt duped in some way, and she continued with her tirade.“You tricked me,” she said. Now I really felt the need to explain myself.“Firstly, you are making assumptions about what I have or don’t have in my pants, which is none of your business, just as I would not ask you if you have a vagina.And yet, the basic tools given to you by most dating sites don’t leave much room for personalization.Most sites allow you to choose between only two genders, male and female.
Since I identify as a trans male, and my sexual preference is for females, I have been left with only one option in the online dating world: heterosexual.Short on words, the post simply read, “Hi.” I admit, I balked.As a writer, I guess I expect others to be able to write as freely and easily as I do. We agreed to meet at a nearby pub for some eats and to sample some of the local craft beer.And, while I felt no need to explain myself, I replied.“My status as a trans person is my personal business, and I feel no need to have to explain it to strangers. Secondly, if you think sex is purely genital-to-genital, I feel sorry for you!I was waiting until we had gotten to know each other better.”Then she pulled out “the big guns,” or perhaps I should say “gun.”“Well, I like sex! ”Some of you may find this shocking, but sadly, this kind of gender (and genitalia) policing happens to many transgender people who simply want to go out, have a fun time and meet people.