C., couple and co-authors of their tell-all book My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me!
The book, and their website, focus on strategies to prevent affairs, or to rebuild trust and intimacy in damaged relationships.
' " Both were ultimately flabbergasted that within a year of reading the riot act, their husbands had effected a total metamorphosis.
The ultimate product of the "scorecard" is a major overhaul on everyone's part.
Not that there's anything wrong with bum raps between consenting marital partners, judging by the spicy menu on offer at church-sponsored marital enrichment classes, in religious self-help books, and at conferences. It's a way of fostering intimacy, honesty, joy and fidelity. Congregations, he says, "are tired about the old message that sex is bad and nasty, but save it for the one you love." Weiss was a featured speaker in June at the annual Smarter Families conference staged by six theological schools at Trinity Western University, a private Christian university in B. The conferences are billed as a way to "strengthen the institution of traditional marriage, to reduce the prevalence of divorce in our churches and communities." Or, as Weiss puts it: "If you're going to have sex, you might as well have good sex." Make love with the lights on, he advised conference goers.
Then there's the new breed of websites, where scripture coexists with unblushing advice on spanking, bondage and oral sex -- and where the product line ranges from lace-up leathers to restraint chairs. "It's a little slower in Canada, but the church is, by and large, ready for some healthy sex," says Doug Weiss, a Colorado-based author and marital counsellor. Communicate with each other and keep your eyes open during orgasm, the better to store memories of your partner's pleasure.
Bell and Brown concede: "We weren't exactly the most delightful people to live with, either.
The nagging and screaming had become a vicious cycle: we were stuck in the role of Nagging Mom and our husbands had been cast as the Bitter, Sullen Teenagers." For wives who want to try this at home, the authors suggest first making an inventory of problem areas with your husband.
One spouse (the party that wishes the divorce) backhands the other, looks at him or her, and says N'Gos tlhogh cha! Friends of the 'Toxic' singer like told reporters she was "fooling around" with music producer J. Rotem before she officially split from Kevin in November 2006. How to do it: draw up a 'scorecard' and read him the riot act.
The book's example scorecard includes such items as: don't take your anger out on me; do your own laundry; share the yardwork; teach each kid a sport; help plan birthday parties; don't turn every back rub into sex; stop paying ATM fees.
Under a category called "Evolve," they asked their husbands to "find a therapist" and "be honest with yourself." "You must step back from your relationship and, to the best of your ability, look at it as you would a business problem," they advise.
"We did it first by identifying the areas that needed improvement and defining our expectations, and then by giving our partners specific tasks and determining the necessary measurements to hold them accountable for improvement.
It may sound cold and rigorous and corporate, but it was all we had to fall back on." Write down your issues and prioritize, they suggest.